Stupid Problems

People are really spoiled these days. What we call problems… Caroline Ingalls would call luxuries (Little House on the Prairie reference for those of you that didn’t get cable back then). So before you feel the weight of your world on your shoulders… just ask: “What Would Caroline Do?” I think she’d brew up a homemade poultice to put on the scratch on her leg that gets infected and almost kills her because there were no antibiotics back then and tell us to shut the hell up.

Stupid problems we have
· Gluten level in our pet food
· No HD option for the movies you watch on your PHONE
· 5 second internet latency
· Actually using math at your job
· Pool light is out
· Teeth are stained from rich frothy coffee, expensive cigars, cigarettes and chocolate
· Missed it on sale
· That's last year’s purse
· Slow printer
· Writing something besides your name
· Tired of leftovers
· Facebook is blocked at work
· Hot beer
· TV writers strike
· The concho fell off your $60 flip flops
· 15 minute wait for the doctor
· Line at grocery store checkout
· Over done steak
· Late plane
· Stinky bug spray
· Feasible problems
· DVR hard drive crash
· Need to fax something

How Cool Mom’s are like Strippers

Meeting needs
o To Candi Kane (she’s the stripper BTW): “I need a laptop dance!”
o To Racing Around Mom Teri (she’s not the stripper, under this name): “I need to go to ballet!”

Makeup
o Luscious Flavor: Extra eyeliner
o Tired Mom Jen: Extra concealer

Personal Hygiene
o Miranda Rights: Wax on, Wax off (muff)
o Ozzie & Harriet Mom Jane: Wax on, Wax off (mustache)

Cleaning
o Fawn Star: Douche bag
o Tidy Mom Jessica: Vacuum bag

Cooking
o For Fluffy Beaver: I can feel up the bacon!
o For Chef Mom Brenda: I can bake the turkey-bacon in the carbon free solar powered convection oven in a recycled pan.

And never let him forget he’s a man…
o Bendovra Pole’: Nasty nighties, sexy dance, bendy, and let him touch (just a little).
o Miss Jackson if you’re Nasty Mom Natalie: Nasty nighties, sexy dance, bendy, and hope that he touches (just a little).

Glitter Everywhere
o This list came to me when I realized how often I find glitter amongst the cat & dog hair I continually sweep up. Kind of weird actually…