Easy money?

Last night I was halfway listening to a news story about how money making scams are increasing and how more people are vulnerable and falling prey to these because of the current economic climate. “Many people are looking for ways to make money…” and getting taken… but I think that should be clarified… most of these people are throwing out all common sense and are looking for ways to make EASY money. Here’s what I think:

1. There is no such thing as EASY money, you’re gonna have to work for a living like the rest of us.
2. Rely on some common sense. If you don’t have any, ask someone else… and not your buddy that’s trying to get you to invest in the phyto plankton farm he’s starting in his backyard that will revolutionize the food industry, be powered by wind, have a negative carbon foot print and will make you a 500% profit in just three months. “Food of the future: Plankton, it’s not just for whales anymore!”
3. You did not really win the Nigerian, Irish, UK, Pakistan, Australian or Antarctic lottery.
4. You might have actually won the Louisiana lottery, because you only have to match 3 out of 10 numbers (more numbers and choices were shot down by the state government as unfair because most people only knew the numbers in the 1-10 range), but don’t spend that money before you get it because you’ll likely have to share it will several 100 people and New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagen.
5. If an online business with no traceable origin is asking you to wire cash from your personal account, then I’d say it is less than a stellar opportunity. Real businesses have their own bank accounts and transaction systems.
6. The only way to really make money with the “Internet Home business Opportunity System that we’ll send you for just $100” is to sell more Internet Home Business Opportunity Systems.
7. You will not receive a free laptop, vacation, good vibes or a cool animated message that pops up on your screen by forwarding an email to 200 people. You will only allow the initiator of the email to track and gather all the email addresses attached to it, sell the list to others and set up all your friends to receive emails offers for guaranteed male enhancement products. Granted we can all get on board with that… but who has time to enjoy when you have to sort all that email spam or run to every Western Union office you can find to send “rebate” money to Nigeria?
8. There is no mystery shopper. Get over it. No one is going to pay you to shop.
9. You can’t make $2000 at home typing. Just like those male enhancement products, if this were true, why would anyone leave the house?
10. You cannot get neurology or psychiatric degrees or a surgical license by attending an online degree program. You will not become Dr. House with a few online classes. You could however, become a financial business CEO or stock broker with just a few seminars.
11. You cannot win money with online poker. You are on a computer. You are playing a computer. Put it together.
12. The stock market is not a bank. If you don’t know anything about stocks, then don’t buy them.
13. You are not going to get a government grant to pay your living expenses while you start your new, feasible and fiscally responsible business by filling out an online form. They will however pay for the plankton farm and all your expenses if you just wire $100 dollars to Mr. Charlatan in Fleece City, Nigeria.
14. Just yelling “It’s my money, and I need it now!” out the window doesn’t work… it does however get your neighbors to plant more bushes and trees in between your houses.
15. It’s not the government’s responsibility to protect you from your own stupidity… I’d say it starts with your parents… but it they invested your college fund in selling Amway or those great knives that cut thru cans then a tomato… you’re probably on your own.

I apologize if any of you readers have fallen prey to these schemes… I do not mean to offend you or imply that you are stupid. In fact, if you’ll just send $19.95 to my PayPal account: fraudtips@dupe.com, I’ll gladly send you a guide to help you keep the money that you have.