Why I'm going to hell

• At Baylor I wrote a fiction book critique research paper on the Old Testament. Then I had a religion major proofread it.
• I write ghost stories in guest books. Or "great job cleaning up the blood. I never thought this place would be the same." Or "Great web cam placement."
• I think the shoplifting prevention detectors at the entrances of Walmart should randomly sterilize 1 in 10... to start with anyway.
• I was a Danny White fan.
• One of my dogs had a head injury. He's recovering. Mostly. Once I knew he would be ok all I could think about how cool it will be to have a brain damaged dog. He holds his head cocked to the right and walks in right turns. The stairs are the best. When he follows me around I walk to the left.
• I wish desperately for a taser.
• Veggie Racial profiling: I like salad but I don't like lettuce on my sandwiches or burgers. The salad on the buns is always crappy and there's a too much of it. Lettuce salad is superior; discrimination knows no boundaries.
• I was disappointed that the documentary "Pig Bomb" was about the expanding wild pig population and not... But I love love love a show called "Cougartown" and its not about wildlife...in the forest/jungle type wildlife I mean.
• I report the old people taste testing in the bulk foods section of the grocery store.
• I told a woman at target that "she shouldn't be wearing that." - Spandex and cellulite, you paint the picture (And I was right).
• On my way home and after 15 minutes of following behind a terrible driver from Vermont, he finally pulled over at a convenience store. The first 8 "almost turns then pull back out in front of me moves" must have just been practice. Pulled in next to them to them and asked:

Me: "Visting? When you going back?"

Them: "A week"- Smiling & receptive that "Texas hospitality" they'd heard about.

Me:"Good."