Sneezing

I’ve recently been plagued with allergies and thru the snot and achoos, I’ve discovered there are definitely some times and places that you DO NOT WANT TO SNEEZE

NEVER SNEEZE WHILE YOU ARE:

· Removing that pesky peach fuzz above the lip with Nair. Inhaling largely after the sneeze doesn’t help the situation. And yes, Nair work on nose hair.
· Driving down a street with LARGE light poles, one of which you are very close to
· Jogging on a treadmill trying to get your out of shape, beer drinking, smoking, baby birthing ruined body back into some sort of shape so that your husband will not laugh when you wear a sexy nightie and you can cut down on the battery budget.
· Anytime you are leaning down and there’s a counter, cabinet, cabinet door, drawer, refrigerator door, car door, bat, broom hanging on the wall, front loading washer or dryer door, shelf or anywhere within three feet.
· Swimming underwater
· Spraying wasp killer
· Conversing on instant messenger
· Painting toe nails
· Cutting anything with a sharp knife
· Mid-swallow of drinking anything, especially beer because that burns the most when it comes out your nose… especially if you sneezed earlier during a Nair treatment


Conversely, I also found there were times that it was very acceptable to sneeze:

· Before, during or after sex – unfortunately for some, one sneezing spell may cover all three time periods
· Cooking – as long as no one sees you
· Talking with someone you don’t like
· Boring meeting
· When your teenager is trying to ask you for money
· Arguing with any type of customer service representative
· Pooping – it helps